Now, without further adieu, my first topic: The dreaded Myspace/Facebook/OkCupid/eHarmony angles. (For those of you who aren't lonely, single bastards like myself, OkCupid is essentially eHarmony for people in their 20s)
If you're on any of these websites and you're trying to make a good, lasting first impression on anyone, your profile picture will do the trick. I've seen people use pictures of themselves doing anything from taking a shit, posing in the mirror looking like a prick with their iPhone, or falling around like they're Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas but with less dignity and without half of the drugs.
And that's all fun and good if you want to paint yourself as an arrogant assbag who values alcohol and debauchery more than anything else. Most people who engage in such activities are usually Jersey Shore-esque guidettes, dumb blondes, and general wastes of space and hindrances to society.
They're also usually mildly attractive, and can get away with such things. Look there, this lady's fine picture ended up on the internet, and maybe even on her own personal webspace, but I bet she doesn't give a damn.
But I digress. Most people will just have a normal picture of their face and body as their profile picture, which makes sense unless you're demented or me. There's no problem with showing your whole profile as your profile picture, unless your name is Freddy Kruger, you were dropped down the steps face first repeatedly as a child, or look like you've just escaped Aushwitz. Even then, I'd rather you post your normal face and body than resort to the dreaded angles.
The angles, as I've seen them, have many different ways of deception. There's the traditional "hold the camera overhead to show cleavage and avoid showing as much as honestly as possible." This seems to be the most logical way of attack for females (and some males) to hide their unwanted features and expose their better ones. (Aka more tits, less of everything else.)
In the words of the great Shamwow Vince, "I punched a hooker in the face!" Oh, wrong quote.... I meant "But wait, there's more!"
There are new, more innovative ways to hide your body from exposure such as, but not limited to:
- Wearing a turtleneck
- Extreme close ups
- Hiding behind people or inanimate objects
- Pictures from only the shoulders up
- And so on, and so on...
Here's my problem: if you're posting a picture of yourself using one of the evil angles on a website where you're trying to meet someone who might be remotely attracted to you, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HIDE YOUR APPEARANCE!?
This isn't about being attractive or fat or thin or whatever. I'm a bit portly myself, so who am I to judge. But really, why hide it like that? How do you think your wanna be lover will take it when he finds out you're really not what you've shown them? They might roundhouse kick you in the face for being a lying ass clown.
Next time you girls or guys out there think about deceiving the world with a Myspace angle for your profile picture, just don't do it. If you do I'll find you and put you in the sleeper hold Rowdy Roddy Piper style.
Except you won't get up like Hulk Hogan. Unless you are Hulk Hogan.
Anyway, be honest on the internet people. I'm just sayin'...
-MN
-MN
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