Facebook/Twitter/IRL PDA's

Well father, it's been 10 full days since my last confession and this is what's bothering me this time. It's the dreaded PDA, or Public/Personal Displays of Affection.

Now there's a PDA that everyone seems to enjoy.

Now call me cynical maybe since I haven't been in any kind of relationship in about 4 years, but hearing or seeing your love with my own eyes is something I'm not keen on. I think everyone deserves to be happy and in love and yadda yadda yadda, but I don't think I need to see or hear about it all the time.

Let's start off with the Facebook/Myspace/Twitter PDA's, which you might think are harmless little tidbits of love and rainbows that actually should brighten my day by letting me know that my friends and acquaintances are all happily in love. Well, they fuckin' don't. They do pretty much the opposite in fact.

It all starts off when the relationship becomes what we like to call "Facebook official." Urban Dictionary provides 2 great definitions of just what "Facebook official" means.

1. The ultimate definition of a college relationship - when on one's facebook profile it says "In A Relationship" and your significant other's name.
2. How you know shit's real.

If you don't understand what being "Facebook official" is all about after reading that, please find the nearest bridge and heave yourself off it. No one will miss you.

Now that we've cleared that up, on to my problem. Once your relationship becomes Facebook official, the whole world will find out about it. And that's fine. But then, the whole world might forget about it. And we sure as hell wouldn't want anyone forgetting about our lovely relationship, would we?

Abso-fuckin-lutely not. So what in the name of all that is holy and good and unicorn-like can we do to remind everyone about it. Oh yeah, we can spam our love as a Facebook status until either:

• We break up
• We get into a fight
• We die
• We realize no one gives a shit
• Facebook goes the way of Myspace and everyone forgets about it (Currently not an option)

Well, it looks like everyone knows how much I <3 my significant other today... but they might forget it tomorrow! Better remind my lovely girlfriend/boyfriend and everyone again! As you can see, this cycle of love for you turns into a cycle of cynicsm, suicidal thoughts, general roneryness, and hatred for everyone else who's not in such a happy, loving relationship.

So ronery...

So people, there's no need to shout your love from the Facebookian rooftops every goddamned day. We get it. I'm happy you're in love. Now shut your mouth.

As for Public Displays of Affection in the real world, here's what's acceptable:

1. A goodbye kiss, aka a peck, on the lips or cheek
2. Holding hands

That's it. No one needs to see you filming a porno on College Ave. There's no groping, butt squeezing, french kissing, anal probing, or fisting that needs to be involved. If any of these have occurred, you've gone too far.

But hey, remember guys... I'm just sayin.

-MN

P.S. You're Worfress Arec Bardrin.